I feel like it’s been a long time since my last post, well it has been. I’ve had a lot going on and yesterday I began to write a fairly long blog about it all but realised I didn’t have it in me to keep writing with the way things are.
So here it is in short, after pulling out of the Terenure 5 Mile with what we thought was an infection or virus things just didn’t start picking up. I was in with GP for my second round of vaccinations soon after and my body seemed to just continue declining, and with my trip to Berlin planned for later that week I was starting to doubt whether I would make it or not. I decided to head over to Berlin but only lasted a few days and had to make the disappointing and difficult decision to come home early.
I was having pains behind my eyes and pains where my tumor was, just as they felt when I was first diagnosed with cancer in 2015, I was also having pains in my chest and difficulty breathing similar to what I experienced in December 2016 when I relapsed, take all those pains along with the fatigue and absolute exhaustion I just haven’t been feeling well at all, not to mention the anxiety and stress all this is causing me! It is just all too similar to what has happened to me over the past couple of years and it has really made the last few weeks incredibly difficult to handle.
I went straight to the GP on my return home, and although he wasn’t overly concerned he did refer me back to my specialist in hospital. Is a virus causing all of this? Was it the vaccinations? Is it a combination of both? Or is it what I absolutely dread to think. The doctor on the team after seeing me conferred with my specialist and they made the decision that I do infact need a full body pet ct scan asap.
Although there is so much more to write about this, I don’t have it in me to go through it at the moment but there sure is a lot to tell. So I’ve basically been sitting here, exhausted, in pain, waiting to be called in for a scan since last Friday, and I’ve actually just found out that I have a scan date now, finally, for next Friday the 8th of June. That’s it, nothing I can do now but wait and pray that it’s nothing serious. I can’t tell you how much stress and upset this has caused me, not only for me but for all of those around me too, it has had a huge impact on those close to me.
It’s a bit ironic all this is happening now because on June 14th which is just two weeks away, my girlfriend and I are due to go out for a huge celebration night to celebrate my one year anniversary of getting my all clear on the 100 day post transplant scan last year! So please god we will have even more to celebrate now! It just can’t go any other way, it just can’t!
So for the next week it’s a continuation of this week, trying to keep myself as distracted as possible but with no energy to do a whole lot. It’s hard to relax, it’s hard to breathe, it’s hard to cope, but what can I do? What can I do…
I haven’t had the strength or will to talk much about this recently so to those who are close to me, friends, anyone that I hadn’t told yet, it wasn’t on purpose ❤